"Feeling Blue"
(collage painting on cardboard, 16X20, 2004)
“Learn how to suffer and you shall be able not to suffer”
The Acts of John
"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Nobody deserves your tears, but whoever deserves them will not make you cry."
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
“Feeling Blue” was the first painting in the ‘shattered colors’ series. I painted this self-portrait during a very difficult period in my life. Up until then I’ve rarely expressed any type of pessimistic or depressing emotions I felt in real life in my art. Painting has never been just something for me to occupy myself with; it was always something that I looked forward to doing. I’ve always associated art with positive things in life and couldn’t conceive of art as means of expressing one’s sadness.
It was the spring of 2004 and at that time I was so completely devastated that I wasn't even sure that I would ever want to paint again. One day I decided that I needed to force myself to paint, because I figured out that painting might be the only thing that could pull me out of my depression. I sat in front of my canvas for hours, but nothing came to me. I picked up a magazine and started reading. That didn't go so well either. I ripped a few pages out of the magazine and tore them into little pieces out of frustration. Lethargically I played around with the torn pieces in front of me and all of a sudden I got inspired to create a reflection of my feelings. I glued the pieces in front of me onto cardboard and ended up creating "Feeling Blue". It's a sad painting, but for me it was the first step to getting better.
