"Golden collage portrait of Frida Kahlo"
(collage and oil painting on cardboard, 9X14, 2009)
"I grew old in a few seconds, and now everything is bland and flat. I know that there is nothing else, because if there were, I would see it."
Frida Kahlo
"...and as I see it, the most important thing in Gringoland is to be ambitious and to become "somebody," and, to be honest, I don't have even the slightest ambition to become anyone."
Frida Kahlo
For years I’ve been trying to decipher a strange connection that I feel to Frida Kahlo. I finally realized that my feeling couldn’t be truly rationalized just as any other lure of the heart. However, I was able to figure out that as a woman artist I’m slightly jealous of Kahlo’s famous ability to proudly display her martyrdom in her art.
I often see the world in black in white; I see people as either fighters or wimps and I believe that people themselves are the ones to choose which category they will fall into. Paraphrasing Confucious' statement about becoming a superior man I believe that if one wants to become a fighter all one needs is to make a decision to be one. A fighter is somebody who’ll survive any situation that life throws at him and won’t complain about it. A wimp could fall apart from a slightest misfortune. I’ve tried both of these roles and realized pretty early on that I make a lousy wimp. I’ve hated being pitied and seen as somebody in the need of pity. I chose to become a fighter and I’ve brought my personal philosophies into my art.
I’ve gone through periods of awful emotional pain and mental anguish. I’ve toyed with an idea of creating a painting that would reflect my feelings as of that sad moment, but whenever I actually sat in front of my canvas I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Something inside of me told me that I wouldn’t want to be remembered as someone weak. I come from a long line of strong women and if I were to fall apart I would destroy their legacy and disappoint their souls.
Although, once in a while I wonder what it would feel like to allow myself to be a weak woman in need of care and protection and when I’m honest with myself I think that it might not be all that bad…
